Report from the Weltbiermeisterschaft 2010

Tournament-Report from the Tournament "2E Standard tournament - Biermeister - 2010 Worlds Side Event". (Big-Event Worlds 2010)

    It is the bane of our organisation: In order to lure more players into out net, we seek tue vicitiny of big STCCG events - but since Biermeisterschaften are more of an evening and not an afternoon delight, we find us after other tournaments - and we almost ever have to start late - and those damn bars are not willing to stay open until we're all done!

    The second Weltbiermeisterschaft in Mörfelden-Walldorf started about 100 minutes late - due to some boring tourney without drinking rules. But we started the day with the election of WBA stuff.
    The old and new chairman and FCA are Thomas Vorwerk respectively Will Hoskin. The first player to put up his chair in the WBA Hall of Fame is Derek Barry from Ireland - unfortunately he wasn't at the event - and was sorely missed. The locations for next year's big WBA events are a) the place where they do the STCCG EC for our European Biermeisterschaft - and b) ... well, how do I say it? I had the impression the distinguished members of the WBA were still pretty sober at this point, but somehow they want to do next year's Weltbiermeisterschaft "at a brothel". It was Nick Yankovec's idea and he will have to organize it - and I will use this moment to remind you of the rules and regulations of the WBA concerning events that are cancelled by the organizers. Whoever wants to "hijack" the Bier-Worlds, be alert!

    A second problem for our 2nd Weltbiermeisterschaft was the 1E worlds. No less than three players that had pre-registered now deemed it more important to go for that other title - among them all of the Austrians (what wusses!) and one German guy, so the big sub-Championship for Germany and Austria suddenly had only two contenders - and anyone wellversed into Biermeister history will know that I, the chairman, Thomas Vorwerk, always finish second if there are only two contestants. Congrats to Johannes Klarhauser who beat me in a (randomly paired) head-to-head. The two Danish guys also went to a (not so randomly paired) head-to-head, and reigning European Biermeister Søren Ramme Nielsen is now also the Danish Biermeister. Again, congratulations! And, of course, he used his bye as Euro-BM and drank a beer quickly at the start of the tourney that would count in any ties.

    Since our playing room was about 50 meters from the Mexican bar where heavy friday business was expected and only two waitresses were around, the ever lovely Kathleen Fultz drove me to a nearby supermarket (and this point it was about 7.10 pm.) and we actually found cheap cold beer there. I just bought four crates of Pfungstädter (never heard of it, but it was pretty great), and instead of financing a measly little round with the monies earned through WBA membership fees (non-players Richard New and Sebastian Kirstein also joined the collective), I sponsored the first two crates and priced the other bottles at 60 cents each. A transaction that unbelievably would have cost me exactly 2 cents (gladly given), and the Fultzes got the (soon to be empty) bottles and crates as presents and could thrive (or have a nice Mexican meal) with the 13 Euros deposit money.

    I almost forgot that Sonny Jensen, another pre-registered player, a Brit with Danish roots, also went all pussy on us with the pretty lame excuse that he can't stomach beer. Nick Yankovec and Stuart Motley (the latter our reigning Weltbiermeister) had the same problem, but they just killed the beer taste with tequila or Jack Daniels. Now that's the spirit!

    The first round's pairing were as follows:
Søren Ramme Nielsen (DEN) vs. Peter H. Møller (DEN)
John Corbett (USA) vs. Johannes Klarhauser (GER)
Kieran Otton (AUS) vs. Neil Timmons (USA)
Nick Yankovec (UK) vs. Will Hoskin (UK)
Shane Brierley (AUS) vs. Stuart Motley (UK)
and a (randomly selected) bye for myself.

    Johannes Klarhauser made extra sure that I inform the public that he beat John Corbett 100-0. All games ended with full wins, for Søren, Johannes, Neil, Nick and Stuart.

    Because of the delay I had declared even before the first round the round number two would be double drinking round. I have to add here that Carsten Hartmann (German Biermeister 2008) entered our tourney late but euphorically and so it seemed as if I would be the only recipient of a bye this day. But the evening was still young ...

Pairings of round two:
Neil Timmons vs. Nick Yankovec
Johannes Klarhauser vs. Søren Ramme Nielsen
Stuart Motley vs. Thomas Vorwerk
John Corbett vs. Peter H. Møller
Will Hoskin vs. Kieran Otton
Shane Brierley vs. Carsten Hartmann
Neil, Stuart, Will and Shane earned full wins, Johannes was clever enough to only win modified in the double drinking round (four beers are manageable better than six beers), and John and Peter, in a spirit of man love that set the tone of the evening had a true tie. Those two guys fought themselves pretty clever: both of them put their double drinking plights (beers to drink) on the score cards instead of the victory points. That means: first game lost: 1 VP; second game tied: + 2 VP; double drinking + 2 VP; mysteriously both thought the sum of 1 + 2 + 2 is 7, which would have been more than double of their real points (1 + 2 = 3). I was still sober enough to catch this cheating attempt.

Here are the standings after 2 (of 4) rounds. Numbers in brackets are double drinking round beers.

1. Neil Timmons        6 (+3)
1. Stuart Motley        6 (+3)
3. Johannes Klarhauser    5 (+2)
4. Will Hoskin        4 (+3)
4. Shane Brierley        4 (+3)
6. Søren Ramme Nielsen    4 (+1)         * bye beer as European Biermeister
7. Nick Yankovec        4 (+1)
7. Thomas Vorwerk    4 (+1)
9. John Corbett        3 (+2)
9. Peter H. Møller        3 (+2)
11. Kieran Otton        2 (+1)
12. Carsten Hartmann    1 (+1)

    The double drinking round was a lot of fun (Nick also ordered a round of tequila so we won't get a dry mouth), and so we decided to make ALL ROUNDS INTO DOUBLE DRINKING ROUNDS ...

    It took me some time and a post of Johannes Klarhauser, but when John Corbett and Peter H. Møller left the room during round two and came back with a "true tie", it now looks very much as if that was a "tequila tie", i. e. they consumed the same amount of Tequilas (and probably didn't play cards at all). I have no hard evidence for my assumption, but you probably shouldn't leave the room during a round, come back with a TT, be all about manlove, huggin' and kissin' and then get caught cheating (one plus four is seven). I hereby retroactively disqualify Peter (John was disqualified later, anyway).

    But back to those players still fighting hard to survive three double drinking rounds in a row. Oh, by the way: Stuart Motley, then still reigning Weltbiermeister, rechristened Spillard M. for his unorthodox technique to empty bottles and giving tables a nice sheen, did not consume the beers of round two in time and thus was awarded the prestigious "Johannes Klarhauser Memorial Award" as the first player to be disqualified. As Johannes now has won everything there is to win in Biermeister universe (Euro 2009, German and World 2010), and Stuart fell very deep from Weltbiermeister to first player disqualified, I propose the award is to be renamed into "Spillard statue". Shame has to be applied where it sticks. Comments by WBA members regarding this point are very welcome.

The pairings for round 3 (double drinking - by popular demand)
Neil Timmons vs. Stuart Motley
Søren Ramme Nielsen vs. Will Hoskin
John Corbett vs. Kieran Otton
Johannes Klarhauser vs. Thomas Vorwerk
Nick Yankovec vs. Shane Brierley
Carsten Hartmann vs. Peter H. Møller

In all these games the person on the left achieved a Full Win.

Which gives us these new standings:

1. Neil Timmons        9 (+6)
2. Johannes Klarhauser    8 (+5)
3. Søren Ramme Nielsen    7 (+4)         * bye beer as European Biermeister
4. Nick Yankovec        7 (+4)
4. Stuart Motley        7 (+4)
6. John Corbett        6 (+5)
7. Will Hoskin        5 (+4)
7. Shane Brierley        5 (+4)
9. Thomas Vorwerk    5 (+2)
10. Carsten Hartmann    4 (+4)
11. Peter H. Møller    4 (+3)
12. Kieran Otton        3 (+2)

At this point it became a bit crazy, and I can't really pinpoint who got disqualified at what time. It was like the storming of Omaha beach during WW2: They were falling down left and right. Kieran Otton just vanished, chatty Austrian Julius Melhardt wanted to step in for him, but then he vanished, too. It also must have been approximately at this time that Søren Ramme Nielsen got rid of some alcohol he hadn't yet thoroughly digested. Nobody saw, heard or smelled this, but the crazy fool later proudly told us - and got DQ'd immediately. He looked at us with big eyes and asked "Is barfing not allowed? I didn't know that ...". Neil Timmons who went on to win every game now had to drink six bottles every hour. He did his very best, bought the remaining thirty bottles and sponsored them (this was no attempt of a bribe but a very fine gesture), twice offed bottles on short demand, but in the end it was a fight he couldn't win. He already is my favourite for next year's WBA hall of fame inductee: He may have gone down, but he didn't leave the ship even though it was sinking. A true gentleman and worth of a captain's rank.

    Still alive and drinking were: Carsten, Johannes, John, Nick, Will and myself. Neil might have been DQ'd, but that didn't mean he would stop drinking. And Shane Brierley informed himself if he still had drunk enough.

Let's go for the last round:
Neil vs. Johannes
Søren vs. Stuart
John vs. Nick
Will vs. Peter
Me vs. Shane
And Carsten would have played Kieran, but I never saw him again.

    Again, all players on the left achieved full wins (or a bye, in Carsten's case). My game was a bit strange. My cadet deck was less than optimal and repeatedly I had tried to play unique personnel twice ("You played that cadet already, pay attention! Are you drunk?"). Shane played a Dabo deck, I didn't do very well with my mission attempts, and after putting five dilemmas "down under" (pun intended), he made a mission attempt, realized he forgot some skill, and then conceded the game, double-checked if had drunken enough for this round and then went to bed. That's all no reason for being disqualified, but I would have expected more of Australia, the only Biermeister nation embracing the game with no direct contact before.
    The last round still hadn't finished, and I realized I would never get that last train and thus had to choose between a night spend under some bridge or the support of German economy by paying a horrendous fee to a taxi driver.
    I also realized I now had to drink five more beers (but had the advantage of an early warning). F U very much, Shane! The Pfungstädter crates were now almost finished, and I remembered that the bar would close at midnight. It was now twenty minutes past that point, but I saw the waitresses with their cash register and begged them to sell me another half-liter bottle, so I wouldn't be disqualified. That was not possible, they could only put it on my hotel room (but then I could pay for it immediately). So I assumed the identity of one James Hoskin and got me that beer. I also fetched me a warm Duff (a nice gift by Tjark Ott, who is also one of the many benefactors of the WBA), and mixed it with the Schöfferhofer Weizen, so it would have drinking temperature (Yeah, I know, the Brits do it the other way round). Taste didn't matter any more at this point. I finished all the beers I had collected (there was also another Weizen I had only started, it came exactly to 3,9 litres this way), and somehow made it through ...
    Later John Corbett was disqualified because he had fallen back too far, and Will was disqualified because there was no beer left he could have drunken. Only now do I realize that there were still those six-packs of Duff - but, hey! Am I my brother's keeper?
    So it's time for the final results. Numbers in brackets show the standings as I assumed then during the prize-giving ceremony (obviously I had something else on my mind, not opposition totals).

Rank    Name            VP (DD)    Biermeister ranking
1. (1) Neil Timmons    12 (+9)    - disqualified even though he tried hard
2. (2) Søren R. Nielsen    10 (+7) - disqualified due to barfing
3. (4) Joh. Klarhauser    9 (+6)        Weltbiermeister (1.)
4. (3) John Corbett        9 (+8)        - disqualified for various reasons
5. (7) Stuart Motley    8 (+5)        - disqualified (Johannes K. Memorial Award)
6. (6) Nick Yankovec    8 (+5)        2nd place of Biermeisterschaft
7. (8) Thomas Vorwerk    8 (+5)        3rd place of Biermeisterschaft
8. (5) Will Hoskin        8 (+7)        - disqualified (due to lack of consumable beer)
9. (9) Carsten Hartmann    7 (+7)        4th place of Biermeister (with a missed game)
10. (10) Shane Brierley    6 (+5)        5th place of Biermeister (but very bad style)
11. (11) Peter H. Møller    5 (+4)        - retroactively disqualified for "Tequila tie"
12. (12) Kieran Otton    3 (+2)        Missing in Action after round 3

    Johannes couldn't believe it. After several years of being the butt of a joke, he now had become world champion. In superior style he fetched the 3-litre-bottle of beer that Thomas Schneider had sponsored and also asked for a six-pack of Duff (most players forgot about this part of the prize support), and henceworth you could see him hugging the big bottle, fondling the six-pack and sporting a blissful expression. That's the kind of manlove I prefer.
    Of the other prizes I only remember that John Corbett wanted to take the Bad Santa DVD, but I told him about PAL, NTSC and regional codes and he then chose the Jägermeister rucksack. Neil Timmons chose All I need to know I learned from watching Star Trek, I chose two prizes for the Aussies (I have no idea what those were), and somewhere, thinking himself unnoticed as the only person sober, Thomas Schneider saved a six-pack of Duff, probably to give it away to people still able to appreciate alcohol.

    The headache on saturday was tolerable.